Not your Cross to Carry!

I had a thought this morning while running 100meter dashes with a 15lb barbell, just part of my work for the morning… Well let me back up. I have been doing CrossFit Loveland for the past 5 weeks. If you haven’t heard of CrossFit watch the video at the bottom. I have been doing CrossFit for several reasons…

• I am morbidly obese (as the Dr.’s say)
• I have tried bootcamps –> Weight Watchers –> HCG –> Dieting –> Gym Membership to no avail!
• It kicks my butt ever single time & I feel amazing afterwards
• I’m seeing results
• I’m feeling confident
• The community & encouragement is like nothing I have experienced before
• It’s a focus on overall fitness, not just my gut, or my muscles, it’s everything!
• At 321 lbs at 28 something had to give!!!

That last one is the kicker for me. I have always been a big guy. Always! I’m Broad shouldered so will probably always be ‘stocky’ but I have always been large. Low 200′s in High school to mid 200′s in college, to low’s 200′s in Northern Ireland, to now in the healthiest state in the US & with in 5 years of moving here weighing around 215lbs I have put on 100lbs! What gives???

1st and foremost horrible eating habits. The stress of ministry plays a factor, but ministry doesn’t make me go grab 20nugs from McDonalds & a large fry & Coke. Ministry may take a lot of time & make things more complex in figuring out when & how I can go work out, but it is on the lower reasons. My eating habits suck! To many lunch meetings & not great choices!

I would say 2ndly & possibly the most important when I actually think about it… I don’t take Gods love for me & desire for me to have a ‘full abundant life in Him” (John 10.10) Serious! Nor do I take serious the fact that He has made my body to be good & a temple pleasing to Him. I have made excuses my whole life as to why I’m fat, I’ve ignored the sinful behavior that perpetuates the weight. Is being unhealthy & overweight a sin? If there is something you can do about I feel it is. I’ve lived it!

If you are overweight and reading this hear me please, as a big guy myself I am not trying to attack or make you feel like crap, but in looking at the love & truth of God I can take His grace & mercy for advantage & not try to live a healthier (less heavy) lifestyle for Him, for my family, for my church, for my community… for me!

So what ‘gave’? A number of things I guess. I got tired of making excuses! I got tired of struggling to buckle my freaking pants! I mean really! I got tired of flying in an airplane and wondering if I would have to ask for an extender seat belt… I mean you can jump rope with the 1st one!!! I got tired of mentally feeling that each time I get up to share Gods hope for peoples lives that people can’t possibly take me seriously because my weight tells them a different story of hope. Hear me on this, I am my hardest critic I know. No one has ever said anything to me about this or anything like it, even though it may have been for my betterment. But the way I’ve been living isn’t life, and more importantly this isn’t the kind of cross God has called me to bear, nor is it for you!!!

So back to my 100meter dashes carrying a barbell. As that cold bar straddled my back this morning & my trainer had me going back forth he instructed me to take some time to pray & ask God about thoughts of our next steps with planting DayBreak Church (click here for more information). As I was running & praying I saw my shadow with the bar across my back & was reminded of Jesus carrying the cross, the cross he was nailed to & died on for the sins of all people! Then the thought came to the cross we are also called to bear. I’m not sure if you have ever had God speak to you, whether audibly, through another person, through a feeling, emotion or what ever, but in that moment I felt a powerful word and thought hit me

This is not the cross I desire for you to bear!

I felt that I have made my weight a burden, a cross that I’m called to bear. And well honestly it has been one. I’ve made it a cross and in that I have made it a distraction. God never intended for the cross I bear to be unhealthy eating habits or being over weight. That stuff is merely sin, baggage, and baggage that is meant to be dropped off and left.

I want to bear the cross of caring for my family & loving through the hard times, I want to bear the cross of loving a city in need of Jesus… not the cross of high blood pressure, swollen ankles, jeans not fitting, hard breathing from sitting up in a chair (haven’t got that yet). The bearing of a cross is not about us, it’s about Jesus, it’s about the beauty of tomorrow, it’s more than overcoming, it is embracing Him who overcame!

I felt burdened to write this, to encourage those of you out there who are struggling with weight, or struggling with something/anything that keeps you from the hope of tomorrow! God has more for you than this! I have made 28 years of poor choices that have lead me to here, and not even 28 days will get me to a healthier place, but it is a start. My hope is that you too can take a good hard look and ask yourself, “Is this really the cross I’m called to carry?” If it is about you, probably not! If it is a short sighted thing, probably not! If it is a mistake in your life, probably not! The cross leads to life! Dig deep my friends & experience the Good Life, the Greater Life today!

I am reminded today God has something so much more in store for me and of others around me, for a city even! I am glad my soul is waking up to this truth “You matter! Get it in gear! It’s time to make a difference!”

As promised… the video…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_QUJlRdy-4

Friday Five: People Who feed my soul!

As of late I have begun to realize and place a greater importance on my ‘soul’. That fuzzy, kinda hard to explain essence that is a part of who we are. Some say it directs us, some say it connects us with God, some say its the true essence of who we are called to be. I say… I’m figuring it out, but I know when my soul is out of whack and I need some help.

As I take time to figure out how to strengthen it, care for it more, I have come to the conclusion that my soul is fed by many interactions and thoughts I ‘ingest’ day in day out. I wanted to highlight 5 people who feed my soul in different ways, but all ways that help keep my soul nourished.

• Rick Lawrence Is editor and chief at Group Publishing in Loveland Colorado. He just authored Sifted, has another book coming out called Shrewd, leads an incredible track called Jesus Centered Youth Ministry at possibly one of the greatest youth ministry conferences in the world, Simply Youth Ministry Conference. Rick’s writings and teachings have been a huge blessing to me. Rick is a masterful story teller and ‘wordsmith’ of painting pictures that help you better understand attributes of God and situations. He is a man who is so transparent and open with what God is teaching him, through the hard things and the incredibly nourishing things. I get the pleasure of getting to have him speak into my life from time to time.

• Patrick Lencioni  Is the found of Table Group, a consulting firm and writes leadership fables to help illustrate great leadership points for successful business and life moves. I have not had the pleasure of meeting Patrick other than at the Leadership Summit this last year. Patrick’s ability to tell fables is so inspiring to me not only in that it teaches me how to be a better leader but to strive to be a better story teller to help people connect to a greater story.

• Steven Furtick Is the senior pastor of Elevation Church in North Carolina. He is 31 years old, author of Sun Stand Still, husband, father, pastor, and anointed child of God. I have never met Steven, but as a young pastor myself I am inspired by Steven, his heart, his vision, his drive, his ministry, his marriage, his staff, his boldness & humility. I have heard him preach several sermons, speak at conferences and read his book. Steven is the reminder of Paul to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4.12 that let know one look down on you because of your youth. Steven encourages me in  my walk because he reminds me that God is looking for those whom He can burn brightly in to show the world His love.

• Henri Nouwen was a beloved priest, author, humanitarian and man of God. He wrote over 40 books on the spiritual life. His books are short little snippets of thought all revolving around knowing God more and knowing self in order to know Him that much more. His books and thoughts are a constant refresher and place of nourishment for my soul. A constant pull of growing closer to Christ.

• Ben Mason a seminary student, interning at Hope Des Moines,  best man in my wedding, and dear friend. Ben is a constant encourage in my leadership at Faith, in my marriage to stir me on to be a better husband, and to think beyond myself and grow closer to Christ. Ben is one of those life long friends that will do anything for you. He feeds my soul with friendship and accountability, as well as my belly as an amazing cook and ‘drink’ connoisseur.

Having people to feed your soul, whether you know them in person or through the kingdom through other means is a must to keep you soul fresh and healthy. Who are the people that feed your soul and why? Maybe you should let them know…

12 Days of Christmas: a journey in the footsteps of Christ

Well Christmas is upon us. It is here!!! It has finally come… wait? You aren’t that excited either? This season of Christmas really got the jump on me personally. Stacie & I were talking yesterday and we realized this year the anticipation was not there as it has been in years past. We realized that part of that had to do with the fact we didn’t get one another gifts this year (we bought and built a house). That anticipation of seeing the joy on your spouses face, that excitement of opening a gift from a loved one, that wasn’t there for us this year. Which is totally fine. The problem is we know, or should know, its not about any of that. Where has all the excitement gone? What about the birth of the Christ child? The celebration of the our Advent, His return?

Well honestly, it get numbed by all the ‘other things’ I ‘need’ to get done. I have not taken time this year to prepare my heart at all. I have been so focused and excited about our services, and preaching on New Years, getting amped for my 2nd promotion in less than year on staff here at church and other opportunities going on to have slowed my heart and prepared it for this season. My mind is so far and focused on the when and what next that I lose sight of the now. But when I get caught in the now there are things that come forth reminding me why I spend so much time in the future instead of the present tense of now.

Stacie & I had a wonderfully difficult chat the other night about some things in both of our lives. One of the key things I was reminded of is that God has blessed me with incredible amounts of discernment and vision. I have eyes of God to see whats going on in peoples lives, see through the muck and out exterior, and even ears of God to hear the deeper issues, hear the future of what is next. What I lack greatly though is God’s heart. I lack the heart of Christ that gives life and meaning to those other great gifts.

I came this realization on Thursday night when I realized I had not been showing compassion to so many who were in need of it. I had cast judgement on them because of their actions, actions that the world could justifiably say “Yeah I see why you would think that about that person”.

I realized that night that my flesh of cynicism  and negativity had begun to rear its head again. These are traits that bring others down and just aren’t helpful for anyone. These traits keep me from loving people like Jesus, from seeing the greater good in everyone, from really connecting with others, and they keep brewing toxicity in so many ways that it becomes harmful for so many around me.

So, here is where things WILL be different. I going to be taking a journey through 12 days of Christmas as I practice what it means to show Christ’s compassion, Christ’s love. There are a few Spiritual Practices of what is called International Living that I will be doing. Each day I will journey into the foot steps of Christ in seeing how He interacted with others, how He responded ultimately through compassion and love.

My prayer is that this reflective time of living it out will be so transformative for me that it will be a milestone for me in my faith.

Look at your own life these 12 days of Christmas (December 25-January 6th) what area or areas in your life might the Spirit be calling you to lean in and follow the steps of Christ more closely?

Friday Five: Five Signs of Being Busy

I can not believe that it Christmas is in 2 days!!! That is just absolutely crazy to me. It seems just like yesterday we were celebrating Thanksgiving, and before having an open house for our new home, and then closing on the house and before that celebrating our Year Anniversary.

Man so crazy to think that the celebration of Christ’s Birth is here. I have realized over the past few days that the days seem to just come at me, sneak up on me, these days. Sadly I don’t think this is an oddity for many of us. We become so busy with things (some good things) that we notice days are just flying by. Special days are still ‘special’ in nature but the joy of the day might have lost power and possible even some meaning.

As I sit here at 12.20am thinking about some ‘life-changes’ for my self, I am reminded of a sad destructive recurrence in my world. I am so darn busy. Here are 5 signs that you or I are to busy. I pray we can do more than just acknowledge them but actually look to change them

• Taking time for the little things: By these little things, the things that bring you joy, enjoying a nice hot chocolate while reading a book, not downing your drink before your next meeting or reading 4 chapters before the test that is happening in 2 hours. The little things that bring us joy are the life givers in the day in day out grind of life. If these little things begin to wane it can be clear sign we are being to busy to take these things in.
• Wooing my spouse: I am reminded of this from time to time, to simply take time and woo my spouse. Those little notes of I love you, buying flowers, helping around the house in little ways. Its not that I have lost my love, its that in being busy I have neglected one of the most important things in life, wooing (constantly perusing) the blessing bestowed on me from God, my spouse.
• Taking time ‘commune’ with community: ‘Wait, let me look at my calendar and let you know if we hang out.’ I sadly here this more and more from folks. I realize its a busy time and that in being busy our calenders-life- it gets filled pretty quickly. More and more I realize we are being busy that we don’t have time for simple interactions within our community. Whether it be a faith community, your work community, college community,  home community, when we are being busy these relationships get put on a back burner and we look out 2-6 weeks before simply having coffee with someone.
• Being tired: “I just can’t seem to get enough sleep” ” There isn’t enough coffee or 5 hour Energy in the world to get my energy level up”. There are days lately where I just come home and want to go straight to bed. Not because I have had a rough day, just that I feel so darn tired I want to go rest. Being busy pulls on our ‘coat tails of rejuvenation’  and causes us to not get the rest we really need feeling tired all the time.
• No time to reflect: This is something few do, or do well (including myself). When we are being busy it becomes repetitive in that we can’t break the cycle of being busy if we can’t take time to reflect and understand why we are being busy to begin with. Its not a matter of no time to reflect its more a matter of not being able to set out the time and make it happen. This  can be one of the most dangerous sign because if we can’t reflect, can’t stop to look back and understand where we were and need to/should be going we continue on in the same path, mostly to being busy.

Being busy is a lure for many things – feeling important, needed, useful, biding the time, climbing the ladder, getting away from the pain of … – it is a trap that gets to us all. But we have to break the being busy in order to truly live. I am curious more and more as I look at my busy life, how much of it is truly living?

How many of these signs resonate with you? What would some of your signs be? How do you over come and slow the being busy to simply being?

Friday Five: What I am Thankful For

With this week being Thanksgiving I thought it appropriate (albeit trite) to do a Friday Five on what I’m thankful for. I decided to do the five a little different this time… My Friday Five is represented by picture. If it be true a picture is worth a 1,000 words this will be a pretty long post but pretty informative on what I am truly thankful for.

In no particular order and not just from this year…

My Students!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Graduation Day 2008!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our 1st home!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She said yes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reminded of a community!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are you thankful for this season?

A Thanksgiving post…

So honestly this is my fourth go at some kind of thanksgiving post. I keep getting stuck between saying something witty, being sarcastic, being deep… well I got nothing! I know speechless but I did want to post this one little thought…

What are you most thankful for? Simple isn’t it? Well the hard reality for me is what I am most thankful for in life I generally take for granted the most. My life, my wife, my relationship with Christ, my relationship with close friends, my ability to read, my ability to process letters -> words -> sentences -> paragraphs -> rational (irrational) thought. These are just a few things I take for granted that I am beyond thankful for.

It makes me ask the question… If gratefulness/thankfulness is the deep appreciation of something, how do my actions show those things, those people, who I am deeply grateful/thankful for that I am just that?

I found this video that makes me thankful for my todays. I make the choice of how I respond to those days to come today. After watching this video ask yourself “How do I act in accordance to what I am most grateful/thankful for?”